The concept of a collar conjures up a multitude of connotations for Dominant (Master) and submissive (slave). These impressions range from abject rejection of a device that suggests ownership, humiliation, and control to wistful longing for this honor as the pinnacle of intimacy and bonding in a BDSM relationship.
From a pragmatic perspective, a collar is a useful aide. It allows me to control and direct a girl with a simple hook of my finger in the ring. It also provides an attachment point for a leash or lead if I wish to have my woman crawl or follow. It can be used creatively to loop a nipple chain and keep a woman in the correct posture, and it is an effective hitching point when immobilizing a woman on a spanking bench, table, corner, closet, cage, or other apparatus.
A collar becomes much more when I move from simple pleasures of the flesh to the erotic expanse of the mind. When a woman comes to me, desperately needing to cast off the responsibilities and stresses of her day and fall into the blissful space we occupy, I use ritual and protocol to hasten and enhance her descent. In this context, a collar can be her mental portal to the fringe of darkness.
Indeed. When she strips, she casts off the trappings of the vanilla world. As she kneels before me, she descends into a submissive posture. I strap on her leather cuffs and allow her to feel the transition of control from strong, independent woman to eager, hungry submissive. Yet, it takes my collar around her neck to bring her to her place under me – to know she no longer needs to make decisions or lead. She need only to do – and do to the best of her ability.
A collar can also mean so much more when used as a symbolic device to define the purest essence a BDSM relationship. I am referring to the act of “collaring” a submissive. And I respect that opinions and protocols abound on the significance and protocol of “collaring” and I’m going to talk specifically about what it means to me.
I see this in a fairly straightforward manner. A woman attracts me with her energy, personality, passions in life, perversions, appearance, and willingness to submit only to me and submit with her entire soul. She endears herself to me by demonstrating sincerity, eagerness/hunger to serve, loyalty, respect, sensuality, and passion. She becomes part of me if our union transcends into intense feelings that cannot be easily described with words.
If a woman is right for me, I feel a connection that pervades body, mind, heart, and soul. I experience joy, relaxation, and bliss with her at my side or under me. This compels me to take her as mine, fully and completely, and to inspire her to be her best in all she attempts in her life. It motivates me to be the best I can be as her Dominant, and it empowers me to journey froward with her as far as the path might take us into the darkness of our pleasures.
This is when I “collar” a woman. There is no way to predict how or when this moment comes. I will know – I will act – and I will explain what MY collar signifies around her neck. But there is a huge difference from me using a collar playing with a sub, and collaring a girl — making her my property and signifying a very deep and long lasting relationship.
I want my women to know this is no “ordinary” BDSM relationship – and a true collaring is something take as seriously as a wedding ring…no, more so. So her collar is no “ordinary” collar. It should be 100% waterproof as it is never, ever meant to be taken off. Indeed, if my Ashlie is to pass away, she will go wearing her collar. Obviously, I would never, ever consider collaring a girl I did not care deeply for. Love is a wonderful thing when expressed through BDSM.
A collar is the link between us. A sub will feel the energy it holds, and she will revel in her bond with me. It is also something that links her to her slave sisters. Reminding her that she is equal with them. That they are in this together.
All collars I select must be able to be worn in public. So I like those that have a look and feminine feel to them that remind one of a necklace. Of course, rings, bracelets, and anklet may also be added to the set…but they must be very strong — stainless steel, titanium or some other rustproof, durable and strong metal.
Yet the form is not nearly as important as the symbolism and the meaning. It will allow her to see and feel me wherever she goes. And it reminds her that she is, and will always be, my slave, my slut, and my property.