It’s Gay Pride week and so I think it’s appropriate to do a post on my favorite type of sexuality: Bisexuality. Bisexual girls are definitely a strong preference for me (I don’t really ‘get’ fully straight girls and pure lesbians are not my biggest fans either.) One thing that I’ve consistently found is: girls I like are also ones that love to be made to do things with other girls. So I’ll follow up with a post on Forced Bisexuality.
But first, let’s talk about Bisexuality — especially since Gay Pride completely ignores the Bi aspect in the name and serves to alienate some of the people that I love.
|The Bi Pride Flag|
According to Kinsey, 7% of women get a rating of 3 (equal amount attraction to both genders aka fully bisexual) in the ages of 20-35. But that was in 1953 when there was massive social taboos against homosexual sex.
Many studies, even recent ones, fail to include much in the way of options for bisexuals –even though Kinsey pointed out in 1948 that the majority of the population was neither strictly homosexual nor heterosexual but somewhere in between. In fact, the number on strictly homosexual people (people that only have sex and attraction to the same gender as themselves) roughly matches the number of strictly heterosexuals. So most people are on the continuum in between. But surveys tend to ask people about identifying as gay — which doesn’t reflect their behavior but how they like to think of themselves.
Interestingly, in the 2000s, the number of people reporting that they IDENTIFY as homosexual has dropped significantly. In some cases from 15% down to 1% in the same city over a 20 year period. This downward trend in reported is thought to be due to the increase in gay/lesbian presence in the media — and young men and women are actually now less likely to associate themselves with the label as it seems absolute and would limit their options with the opposite sex. Again, this points to a larger portion of people being bisexual than gay.
In the US, numbers from surveys point to anywhere from 1.5% to 8% are gay or bisexual…and yet the television companies who analyse the markets have numbers over 20% — again, pointing to the difference between identify yourself to a survey person as gay versus actual behavior on a daily basis.
I say daily basis –because it’s rare for someone to NOT have a same gender experience of some sort. For example, while 48% of women have had multiple homosexual experiences and a much higher percentage admit to finding women attractive, just 1.5% of American women consider themselves bisexual.
Make up your mind already!
Many people don’t view being bisexual as a valid lifestyle choice — that they are really gay or straight
and that there is no inbetween. However, that’s crap. Being bi is a valid choice and should be respected –and it is in fact offensive to imply that the choice and decisions a person makes are not valid. So being bisexual is an option.
However, both the gay and straight communities tend to view bi people as going through some sort of phase and refuse to see the option of being bisexual as a valid choice. These models, while popular, are extremely inaccurate and lead to feelings of alienation by both group.
The gay community tends to subscribe to the ‘transitional model’ where the bi person is viewed to being in the process of realizing that they are fully gay but they haven’t quite come to terms with it.
Meanwhile, the straight community subscribes to the ‘pathological model’ viewing the bi person as mentally conflicted and confused as they have yet to make a decision about their sexuality (or that they are having a lot of difficulty in making this decision.)
So I will say it again:
BISEXUALITY IS AN AUTHENTIC SEXUAL ORIENTATION.
Camouflage and the Hidden Bisexuals:
Bisexuals, while probably the most common type of sexuality, are the least recognized because they
tend to blend in well with straights and gays so well. When surrounded by gays, bisexuals appear to observers and friends as gay. When surrounded by straight people, they are seen as straight.
Additionally, there is often considerable social pressure to behave within the social rules of setting — with little tolerance of ‘straight’ behavior in gay situations and vice versa. The whole idea that a queer person engaging in opposite sex behaviors is somehow a threat to the community and should be shunned is equally prevalent in straight venues where gay behaviors lead to ostracism. In neither case is bisexuality embraced nor accepted — and hence: the bi person ‘chooses’ to act either gay or straight depending on the environment.
There is also a stigma where bi people are afraid to come out as 1) they may be rejected by their friends 2) their friends may then instantly and incorrectly label and assume them to be gay 3) fear of rejection by lovers 4) lovers will immediately assume threesome scenarios and see them as a means of fulfilling some fantasy while completely ignoring the emotional connections.
Bisexuals hiding in plain sight will only change if people have the courage to come forward as bi and challenge the notions that bisexuality isn’t a valid or ‘final’ choice.
The Sexiest Choice:
Bressler and Lavender (1986) found that bisexual women had more orgasms per week and they described them as stronger than those of hetero- or homosexual women. They also found that marriages with a bisexual female were more happy than heterosexual unions, observed less instance of hidden infidelity, and ended in divorce less frequently. Goode and Haber (1977) found bisexual women to be sexually mature earlier, masturbate and enjoy masturbation more and to be more experienced in different types of heterosexual contact. And finally, Van Wyk and Geist (1984) found bi women have a significantly higher sex drive, fantasize more, and generally crave sex more often. What’s not to love?
The 17 Types of Bisexuals
I know, I know, I shouldn’t try to classify people: everyone is unique. I agree. But for shits and giggles, I compiled a list of 17 types of Bisexuals:
Alternative bisexuals: may have a relationship with a man and after that relationship ends, may choose a female partner for a subsequent relationship. Then, many go back to a male partner.
Circumstantial bisexuals: primarily heterosexual, but will choose same-sex partners only in situations where they have no access to other-sex partners, such as when in jail, in the military, or in a gender-segregated school.
Concurrent relationship bisexuals: have primary relationship with one gender only but have other casual or secondary relationships with people of another gender at the same time.
Conditional bisexuals: either straight or gay, but will switch to a relationship with another gender for financial or career gain or for a specific purpose, such as young straight males who become gay prostitutes, or gay women who get married to men in order to gain acceptance from family members or to have children.
Emotional bisexuals: have intimate emotional relationships with both men and women, but only have sexual relationships with one gender.
Integrated bisexuals: have more than one primary relationship at the same time, one with a man and one with a woman.
Exploratory bisexuals: either straight or gay, but have sex with another gender just to satisfy curiosity or “see what it’s like”.
Hedonistic bisexuals: primarily straight or gay, but will sometimes have sex with anothergender
primarily for fun or purely sexual satisfaction.
Recreational bisexuals: primarily straight but engage in gay sex only when under the influence of drugs and / or alcohol.
Isolated bisexuals: 100% straight or gay now but have had one or more sexual experience with another gender in the past.
Latent bisexuals: completely straight or gay in behaviour but have a strong desire for sex with another gender, yet have never acted on it.
Motivational bisexuals: straight women who have sex with other women only because a male partner insists on it to titillate him.
Transitional bisexuals: temporarily identify as bisexual while in the process of moving from being straight to being gay, or going from being gay to being heterosexual.
Opportunistic bisexuals: people that engage in sexual behavior with the same gender only in cases where there is little risk of discovery by people in their social group.
Peacocking bisexuals: people that engage in bisexual behavior with the primary intent being to attract someone of the opposite gender.
Exceptional bisexual: people that are mostly heterosexual or gay but will make an exception for rare individuals that they find very attractive –even though the vast majority of the people in that gender they do not find attractive. Eg. Girls who like guys…but would sleep with Drew Barrymore.
Equal bisexual: people that feel almost exactly equal amount of attraction to both genders.