Poly- secret? Nuuuuuuu!
I know a lot of people in what-they-call-poly relationships have a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy where partners can do whatever they want but don’t share any details whatsoever and, moreover, don’t desire to share. Personally, this policy sucks balls. (Not in a good way, you perv!) When I don’t know what my partner is doing :
A) I *always* imagine the worst case scenario. Whatever it is you are doing…I’m imagining way worse. So if I’m in a bad mental state (the only time these kinds of thoughts might affect me) then not knowing what you are up to is deeply distressing and amplifies any feelings of loneliness. (Yeah, I’m in invulnerable…sucks, but true.)
B) If I don’t know what you’re doing, how the fuck can I be happy for you! If you fall in love/lust and are high on life…I wanna know, dammit!
C) The other person deserves to know too! Don’t keep your choices a secret or you are just leading the other person on under false pretenses. When they do find out that may (probably) feel betrayed because you misled them. Let them know right away and don’t keep your lifestyle a secret.
So I think Polyamory should be all about being open and sharing your lives with each other.
Other reasons why I think it’s awesome to know about your lovers:
- Each relationship is a special and unique jewel. I’ve never had an identical relationship
with a different person. So what you bring to it is unique to you. Talking about relationship stuff lets me learn way more about you, your preferences, your views on life and also allow me to share in any lessons you learn.
- I can help keep you safe. I’m protective of you. And will always be there to look out for you. If someone starts treating you poorly…I can squish them like a bug — as nobody treats my baby like a doormat! Or worse.
- No one can be the complete satisfy-er of another’s needs. Everyone needs a variety of experiences to feel happy and fulfilled. Besides, I don’t want to fulfill everyone one of your needs: you wanna go visit churches in England for the architecture? Go ahead….but I’m staying home! And why you are getting your needs temporarily met by someone else…you start glowing and are really happy. That’s hot. And it’s also a pleasure to be around.
- Your lovers can turn into really cool friends of mine…or even lovers. Because if they get along with a twisted fuck like you: we just might get along too 😉
- Compersion. Yeah…there is that too.
- Other lovers can introduce new perspectives and interests which trickle down into my life as added coolness.
- Sometimes I just need space. You being off with someone else can be just what the doctor ordered. And vice-versa.
Because some girls can take more than one guy
can dish out.
The above are some of the many advantages of polyamory. But I will add something…if you have an agreement to share info about your activities with others and plans…you gotta keep sharing. One of the most hurtful things imaginable is lying under such open circumstances where no lies are in order. Sneaking off to be with another lover is sooooo not cool! If you’re gonna be open…ya gotta be fully open about who you are and what your needs are.
Be brave and the world will come to your doorstep.