Compersion an emotion which is, my mind, at the heart of polyamory.  Compersion is the feeling of love, sharing, and happiness with respect to your lover when they find joy with another lover.

Compersion- n. The feeling of joy when seeing others experience happiness.

Compersion was a term invented by the Kerista commune in San Francisco.  The Kerista commune had 33 members and lasted from the 1960s to 1991 where it split up…but in that time managed to found a number of successful businesses including Abacus which made $25 in 1991 before it too ended.  And, of course,  a prominent member of the commune, Eve Furchgott, had a very interesting link to the creation of Viagara.

So compersion is an empathetic state where seeing your beloved getting all giddy and happy (maybe snuggling) with a new lover and you feel super happy for them!  You know that the person that you care about is happy…and this makes you feel deeply happy inside. I think of compersion as an extended feeling of love — a positive reaction to seeing love and lust — and it directly relates to one that you are in a relationship with.

Now compersion is first experienced by young children as they empathize and see others being happy and feel happy themselves.

Of course, I also get feeling of compersion when I see a couple that is a good match holding hands and just being happy together.  Or when I spot two young lovers hooking up for the first time.  I see these things and celebrate the love in the world.

Some have called compersion ‘the opposite of jealousy’ but that’s really not quite right.  It is quite possible to feel jealousy and compersion at the exact same time …so it’s definitely not the opposite.  But it certainly isn’t in the same family as jealousy…I’d say it’s in the family of love if I had to choose.

And compersion is what makes all healthy polyamorous relationships tick.  Without compersion…it all comes quickly crashing down yet with compersion it’s like a self-sustaining whirlpool of happiness. So if you’re considering poly relationships…make sure you focus on compersion.

And lastly…compersion can be damn erotic! Seeing a couple that really digs each other go at it…is fucking hot. Knowing your beloved is *really* getting off because she’s in love: AWESOME!   And best of all: being in a relationship with both of them…so it’s compersion x2!!crowdsurfing-hottie


Leave a Reply