One book that had a big influence on me and my way of thinking was, The Ethical Slut. The book is written by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy and I would say this book is an absolute must read for any blossoming slut. It certainly helped cement the ideas that I had already had on polyamory.
The first book that I read on poly was actually written in the 1600’s and clearly laid out why poly made sense — and this book, title and author unknown but available in University stacks has the honor of being my biggest influence on polyamory however, the Ethical Slut is a great read and I know the title and author! ha ha.
The Ethical Slut does a great job on laying out the little details experienced in polyamory but it does so from a very sex-positive viewpoint. In fact, the book defines slut as. “a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex and nice and pleasure is good for you.” I love it! (Though the proposition seems more self-evident to me than radical.) This is a great way to come to peace with your own sluthood or bisexuality if you feel at all conflicted (and you shouldn’t).
I like this book also because friends have said this was the first book that they encountered that actually said, “Hey, you can consent to be non-monogamous and then a whole bunch of problems just go away.” And I couldn’t agree more. The idea that you have one soulmate that is the ONLY person to satisfy ALL your needs is kinda retarded. Add that to flat out denying the fundamental human nature not to be monogamous and the ideal of going ape-shit crazy on any partner who is ‘unfaithful’ is a recipe for disaster.
Under the guidelines of being an Ethical Slut, you can still cheat — by lying to your partner and doing things that you agreed not to do. But the thing is, you can agree to seeing and fucking other people so all of a sudden you can share some really wonderful moments with your best friend and cheer them on when they get some really great sex! This is the core behind consensual non-monogamy.
Now I’ve seen lots of posts by people on fetlife and other social media claiming that poly can never
work and blah blah blah — as if their traditional monogamous relationships are incredible models of success. But the Ethical Slut does discuss practices to make this work for long-term relationships and the best strategies to consider for success along with proper etiquette and dealing with conflicts.
Best of all, this book comes with a healthy does
of slut pride! You feel proud of being sexually open,
adventurous and having quality partners. It not all about numbers of partners…it’s about the amount of great sex you are having…and the love that comes along with it. Sluts are the best and don’t let anyone tell you differently: there’s nothing wrong and everything right with loving many people!
Overall, this book is a total keeper and a great read whether you think this lifestyle choice would work for you personally or not.
You can buy The Ethical Slut from Amazon here.
Rating: 5/5 Stars.