Let’s talk about human sexuality from a biological and evolutionary perspective and how we compare with are closest primate relatives. The comparisons with amaze you as what I’m about to say flies in the face of our current human ‘traditional sexuality.’ I think it will make a lot of sense to you however, as it will explain an awful lot about why we fuck the way we do. Perhaps if we return to sexual norms closer to that of our closest primate relatives we will all be a lot happier.
First off, who are our closest primate relatives? It’s the bonobo. Not the gorillas or chimpanzees but the bonobo is our closest primate relative. How close? One study put the similarities between our genes at 99.4%. Jared Diamond Diamond (ala Collapse and Guns, Germs and Steel) amongst other academics support the renaming of bonobo to the human genus, homo (the same homo as homo sapien).
Bonobos share a lot of similarities physically with humans too. Females have prominent breasts (not exactly Jenna Jamison prominence…but way more so than completely flat chimpanzees). Another key distinguishing feature is the testicles. Male bonobos have their testicles outside their bodies. Just like us. All other great apes have internal testicles but bonobos and us…have our balls on the outside. This is a key difference and I will get to why this is significant.
But the physiological similarities between bonobos and humans with our sexual response is the most interesting. Female bonobos have a much longer arousal time till orgasm compared to male bonobos. Humans are the same. Female bonobos are way more vocal during sex than males. Just like humans (think of if you’ve ever heard people having sex…was it the girl you heard?) Male bonobos tend to pass out right after sex. Human males are notorious for this — mostly because they get a shot of chemicals after orgasm that is the equivalent of 7 valiums…you try and not pass out after taking 7 valiums!! QQ. So all of these sexual responses are not only similar but familiar to us as humans. And notably: these responses are not shared with other great apes. The last similarity I want to point out is that female bonobos are frequently capable of multiple orgasms. Just like our own women.
So let’s look at how bonobo sexuality presents itself and perhaps we will see possibilities for how humans
sexuality used to be structured before the dawn of civilization. I will put the above mentioned physiological similarities in context now. When a female bonobo goes into heat, she is good to go and horny as hell. A male bonobo notices this and offers up a jolly good rogering….and the female is loud and vocal about it. This loud female ‘oooooh yes! oooh yes baby! oh gawd!!” attracts plenty of attention and other male onlookers who find themselves aroused. (Think about tendencies to watch porn with humans…we seem to be hard-wired for this kind of thing.) The male cums after a short period of time and bam! He passes out. He is no longer in the slightest bit concerned about competition … or anything. The female, however, is still getting warmed up and hasn’t cum yet. Luckily for her, she’s surrounded by a bunch of aroused and horny males. Someone else takes over and he fucks her next. Then the 2nd male cums and passes out. But she’s still good to go! So the next guy enters her. And so on. Finally, she has an intense and very loud orgasm and depending on her mood and the chemistry, she either continues or the sexual encounter ends. If she continues…she comes again and again with each subsequent male. That multiple orgasmic ability really comes into play for female bonobos.
Now does this not make a fuck-ton of sense? The female has the longer arousal time and ability to have multiple orgasms because the most common sexual scenario has multiple males. In humans, males last on average 2 to 5 minutes (I found more studies indicating an average of around 2-3 minutes but some in the 5 minute range) and the average human female takes between 8 and 20 minutes to cum from vaginal intercourse (again, the average time varied considerably depending on the study.) A typical human female can easily accommodate 4-5 guys back to back with everyone getting off. Males pass out after sex so there is not competition nor disruption in the sexual order of things. Females are loud specifically to attract more males so they will become aroused from watching the sex. This is exactly how I believe humans are naturally programmed to have sex. Not monogamy at all.
In fact, bonobos are known for their bisexuality where females frequently copulate with females and males with males. Orgies are also not uncommon and females are frequently seen assisting the female getting gangbanged by also paying attention to the female in sexual ways. Bonobos engage in oral sex and give hand jobs and manual stimulation. And bonobos are notorious for the frequency that have sex too.
I will now get back to the testicles being outside the body. Unlike all the other apes, bonobos have testicles on the outside of their body (apes, gorillas, and orangutans all have external testicle sacks be more often than not they are empty as the testicles are kept up in the ‘undescended’ position inside the body). This was obviously not because this is the safest spot for them (Fun fact: you can’t kick an ape in the nuts.) Why do male bonobos have their balls on the outside of their body then? Testicles are outside the body because it is much cooler and their testicles are much more efficient at producing and storing sperm. While most great apes don’t require that much sperm and have tiny balls (a man’s testicles dwarfs the size of gorilla balls)…bonobos have large balls placed outside the body which allows their sperm production to meet the demand of multiple copulations. In fact, bonobo balls are not just proportionally larger than ours, they ARE larger than ours supporting the observation that bonobos usually have sex more than twice a day — which human males typically don’t do. Still, we do have large testicles that indicates that our sexual frequency preference and capability is much closer to that of bonobos than of any other ape.
ASIDE: While researching this I found that primate penis size tends to average right around the length of female vaginal canal suggesting that the penis length is determined by the female with the ideal length being that which causes ejaculation right on the female cervix. Interestingly, the female vaginal canal length differs by race (Asians have a much shorter vaginal canal length, for example) and the variance in male penis size by race exactly matches that of the female vaginal canal length for that race.
In conclusion: humans seem to be hard-wired to have frequent sex in a pattern similar to that of the bonobos. A vocal female attracts the attention of multiple males who get off on watching sex and she then proceeds to fuck each of them with each males passing out after he is finished. Females have a significantly longer arousal period from intercourse because they are meant to fuck many guys at once…not just one. The guys fuck and then pass out which allows the next guy to have his turn. Females tend to go into heat and need frequent fuckings when they are most interested and the males tend to fuck a girl that wants when she wants it. This is a much more sharing and polyamorous view than any sort of monogamous structure would allow…but this is the way our closest primate cousins do it in the wild…so it’s worth considering. It certainly sounds more fun than monogamy to me.