I did a post a few days ago on BDSM and Consent and the Law and apparently I was completely mistaken. My sexpet informed me that she’s seen multiple incriminating reports about CBC Radio host Jian Ghomeshi pointing to him being, in the words of my slave, ‘a douche dom’.
First off his PR firm dropped him…which is never a good sign considering they will generally help smooth over that appearance you had at a Klu Klux Klan meeting (sidenote: those ignorant hillbillies should have checked the dictionary in order to spell clan correctly before getting their stationary printed up and then saying, ‘aww fuck it, it let’s just keep it with 3 Ks.” ) Jian apparently made uninvited advances to coworkers and had a complete inability to read the situation. And calling yourself a Dom does not excuse you from being an asshole. Dom’s are supposed to, in my humble opinion, convince and charm their subs into voluntarily giving up control. Not just take it from girls who are not necessarily into BDSM.
It’s sort of the difference between knowing that girls like their hair pulled and then grabbing their hair in the heat of passion during sex — or just surprising them by grabbing their hair as they walk by in the office.
Or, in the case of Jian Ghomeshi, saying, ‘I want to hate fuck you’ (which could be used as hot phrase with the proper build up) who turned it into a horrifying phrase by just saying it out of the blue and terrifying a coworker.
So when I stated that no one had come forward against Jian when I posted my last post on him…well fuck…now 9 women have come forward to the police and 3 have pressed charges. Additionally, the CBC has ‘graphic evidence which resulted in physical injuries’ — and the women have all stated that these acts were not consensual. 9 women is a lot of crazy girls all ganging up on one guy…1 girl I can believe…2 crazy girls maybe…but 9 way over the top. So the odds of this being real is unfortunately likely. Additionally, Jian has also gone missing and no one knows where he is. Also not the best indicator of innocence.
So yeah, while I did pad my original post on Jian with a disclaimer or two about consent being
important and I gave him the benefit of the doubt…apparently I was mistaken. Instead, this tool is giving the BDSM community a bad name buy being a complete douche Dom. He probably read 50 Shades of Grey and was all, I can do that as I lack all skills but…whatever. (Aside: I have still not read 50 Shades of Grey… but it came out over a decade or so after my first BDSM experience so I think I’m good.)
|The Ghomeshi Workout|
The take away from this is…consent people!! For fuck sakes! Make sure everyone wants to play! You don’t go over to someone’s house uninvited and break out your Risk boardgame (or Agricola for those that know good boardgames) and expect everyone to be into playing! You have to fucking ask. And this is about 10 times more important with BDSM as it involves 1) sex 2) intimacy 3) trust and 4) PERSONAL BODILY HARM. If you ignore this shit, you are a dick. You need to be really sure everyone wants to play because it should be fun for everyone. If it isn’t — you need to stop.
(I just did a site search for consent and apparently I have not done a post dedicated to the topic so…I will have to do that — because people like Jian need guidelines. )