One issue that comes up in BDSM relationships is love. Specifically, a Dom fall in love with his sub and loses his drive to beat, humiliate and fuck her — and starts wanting to cuddle and protect her. This has happened to me where I sometimes forget to be mean…and I worry that my slave may be asking herself, “When was the last time he choked me with his cock till I puked?”
You see, being the one who protects her and makes her feel secure is not what she got into this relationship for: every submissive is not inherently attracted to being gentle. She got into this because you were a mean and twisted bastard who creatively found new ways to torture her for his own amusement. That is what she is attracted to.
So being overly gentle and kind put you at serious risk of losing her attraction and boring her. If you really love her, tie her up tightly and get to work. Beat her ass till it is bright red and warm to the touch. THAT is paying attention to her needs.
If you want to build trust — look out for her safety during a scene. Flog her without mercy and then pull her hair hard and fuck her. She is not going to resent this…this is what she lives for. Being a lame-ass vanilla ‘lover’ is not going to make her wet or keep her coming back for more. So get out those nipple clamps and watch the pained expressions on her face.
She is the most valuable thing I own. I will protect her. You love her so tell yourself that you also need to see those tears rolling down her cheeks. If she is wearing my collar…she is going to have earn it. Well, she has earned it? And my love. Not good enough. She has to keep earning it. Because I am a twisted pervert with sadistic leanings and I love releasing my primal self on her weak, feminine body. That is why she is with me and I can’t forget that.
Subs crave to be broken by her Dom. So reduce her to a sobbing puddle. Give her the opportunity to show you just how much she loves you by enduring the worst you can put out. (Side note: The worst should not be anywhere near as bad as the ‘worst’ in the 50 Shades of Grey movie… which was truly the worst scene I have witnessed.) Be strong and powerful, commanding and confident and give her the opportunity to be as weak as a crying babe.
After you break her…then you can cuddle and whisper sweet nothings in her ear.