I have read a fair bit on ‘violating consent’ with a sub…something that I feel should never be violated as it breaks down the trust that can take months to build. But violating a Dom’s limits seems to be something that brats can take pleasure in. And this just pisses me off.
Part of what makes me so mad at subs the push my buttons is…they want to be beaten and them being brats makes me see red and I really want to hurt them. But this is what they want…and that pisses me off because it rewards this kind of displeasing behavior. That said, I am not talking about bratty behavior (which is simply annoying) I am talking about crossing the line and violating a hard limit of mine. If I state that I have a hard limit…I expect it to be respected and pushed. If you tell me that you are not into anal sex in any way, shape or form, then I would consider it a total dick move if I suggested it repeatedly or worse, I just went ahead a slide something very small and lubed up your ass. I would consider that a breach of trust and violation of my own ethics. Aside from the great loss of trust, it would show that I don’t respect you or your limits. So why the fuck do you think it’s okay for you to do that to me?
Seriously…”Oh, I’m just being bratty” is not going to cut it. If I tell you that I have a hard limit…that’s
it. End of story. Either accept it or leave. But don’t ever try and do that thing and expect it to turn out well. If the roles were reversed, say at a fetish party and someone saw me violating a known hard limit of a sub, there would be a shit storm about it. Fetlife would lose it’s mind. So why is the role reversal ok? The short answer is…it isn’t.
Say I had a hard limit that my slave only have sex with me…and she goes out and sleeps with other guys? It’s not ok, is it?
Now as a very open-minded hedonist, I don’t have much in the way of hard limits…let me think of some things I just won’t do. Hmmmm. I won’t cut off anyone’s limb or cause any major damage…no matter how much you want me to. I won’t have any from of oral sex with anyone with pubic hair — actually, all body hair is in this category for girls as…underarm hair, pubes, wookie leg hair….it’s all totally disgusting. Yeah yeah, I’m enforcing the beauty standards of the patriarchy and all that but this is one of the very few issues the patriarchy actually got right.
(hmmmm….thinks of my last comment and the recent Canadian election (and their sexual politics) and …I won’t be running for office ever, will I?)
If a sub tries to misbehave to get punished — this behavior needs to be corrected at once. First off, violating someone’s consent is violating consent. It doesn’t matter what role you have in the relationship. I think I would make shit get real for the brat who deliberately crossed a hard limit. I might bind her up but instead of beating her, I would have a long and boring conversation about what a little shit she has just been and put it into context for her: you know how you have a hard limit of [insert hard limit description] …well, you violated my hard limit so does that mean I get to violate your hard limit? [Note: I would never actually pull the trigger on this — but I think directly relating the two violations and threatening to cross her lines if she crosses yours…that should make the point quite nicely.] She might want to limit cross to get punished but if she sees that as an express route to crossing her own hard limits, it will shut that shit down right quick.