Do All Married People Think About Cheating

cheater-caughtI heard someone say this today, “All married people at least think about cheating. That is part of marriage. Not acting on it is the other part.”  I thought about it and it confuses me even more.  See, I am polyamorous and I have accepted that people have the capacity and urge to make connections with various people as they pass through life — and so I see this whole dominant culture of monogamy is a great disservice to happiness and living life.

But seriously, people get married and just accept that they want to sleep with someone else but deny themselves — often repeatedly. People accept this as part of marriage? Why? I am honestly asking. Monogamy actually makes no sense to me and hasn’t since the very first time that I stumbled across a book written in the 1600s about polyamory and a light bulb went on.  I knew that this was how I WAS.  I had just never had anyone tell me that it was an option.

So do all married people think about cheating and just accept it? And many act on it too…but just how currently have a sexual partner (or at least this year.)  Others say about 18-20% of people have affairs over their marriage. Still others like Sherry Hite think 70% of women in marriages over 5 years have had an affair.  Yet another source says men are the bad ones with 65% having affairs compared with 45% of women.  But I think the real answer is: we don’t know and depends on who you ask.
many I couldn’t get a clear picture of.  Tom Smith of the National Opinion Research Centre (NORC) thinks about 3-4% of married people

But if you ask Americans, 80% polled by the NORC say extramarital sex is always wrong.  But take that with a grain of salt as 56% said homosexual relationships are wrong and 26% think distressed-by-cheatingpremarital sex is always wrong too…so Americans must be feeling really really guilty about their own actions.

If a good portion of the population acts on extramarital sex — then is it really so hard to believe that all

people in a marriage have the thoughts and the urges at least some of the time? A Gallop poll said that
92% feel that having an affair is morally wrong — so maybe we are all just a bunch of sinners?

The other option is far scarier. Maybe we are all a bunch of bonobos and we are trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Perhaps, there is a better way to be.


  1. Anonymous December 17, 2015
  2. Autumn Dagan December 18, 2015
  3. Autumn Dagan December 18, 2015
    • Anonymous December 18, 2015
  4. Anonymous December 21, 2015

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