Yup…there’s 7 of ’em 😉
The 7 C’s of BDSM
Life is complicated enough without talking to your partner or playmate. Just talk and tell them what you want to do or have done to you. And only do the things that you agree upon. It’s pretty simple but avoids all kind of hurt feelings. Consent is especially important in new relationships and between people new to BDSM. And it’s only noobs that say they don’t have limits. Trust me, you have limits and you might as well draw the line so everybody is on the same page.
Communicating is super sexy. And we are humans — it’s kind of our thing. Negotiating about what you want done can build tension and open the door to many new experiences.
Also, communication lets you have realistic expectations of each other. Always under promise and over deliver. If all you are offering is being a fuck buddy and she’s thinking she’s found ‘the one’ — then a bit of communication can save you from her burning all your stuff on the front lawn as she throws a crazy not-gf-but-really-wants-to-be-your-wife tantrum.
You can also talk about experiences and desires. I spoke with this one girl who was obviously a pain slut and we exchanged a bunch of pretty hardcore texts — and so I was completely stunned when she said that she had zero BDSM experience. Good to know! Thinking she’s super experienced could get us both into a lot of trouble.
You have to mix it up. A girl attracted to BDSM is into it because she’s down with the mind fuck and
all the evil ways you can abuse her. She is not down with being fucked the exact same way, in the same position, every time. This also goes for subs…don’t do your best corpse imitation while always wearing the exact same outfit…that is gonna get stale fast. You have to be creative.
Myself, I never have any problems with creativity. I prefer to go in with no plan and do whatever my kinky mind comes up with at the time. A good example is the other day, I had a shower with a new sub and afterwards I saw the towel laying on the floor. So I spontaneously rolled it into a ‘rat tail’ and whipped her with it. (But I did not dip it in water as the last time I did that, it broke the skin and caused far too much blood to risk with a new playmate.)
The point is, mix it up and have fun doing new things.
This is one that a lot of vanilla people truly don’t get. BDSM is all about connecting with the other person and sharing an experience which ultimately makes both feel closer and more connected to one another. Remember that point of BDSM is to bring two (or more) people together and help them become one: to build trust and share. If you always keep this in mind, your playtime is always going to be mutually rewarding.
This can also take the form of cuddles and support afterwards. Providing aftercare to make sure she is okay. And just being there to support her. After pushing her really hard, there is an opportunity to deeply connect in a way that creates a lasting bond. A bond felt even if you both go separate ways. And ideally, this feeling keeps you together.
Simply put, if you make a rule, enforce the rule. Every time. Don’t be lenient as this will just confuse her. Just like training a dog, you have to be consistent to get results. If you say the punishment will be ‘X’ for a transgression, immediately perform ‘X’ when the transgression occurs.
Ok, this one is for open minded folks. Compersion is the feeling of joy at seeing your partner with another partner. Known as ‘the opposite of jealousy’, compersion is really a feeling of joy in knowing that someone else is making your partner happy. I can even get this a little bit by seeing her really turned on by someone she likes in porn. But the point is: jealousy is a worthless reaction when you can support your partner instead. In a complex BDSM relationship, compersion allows for all sorts of kinky variations and partners to keep her hot and wet.
This is a form of love that is aroused within us when we witness someone who is suffering or
vulnerable. It often is a reaction to react tenderly and to act kindly towards that person. In the context of BDSM, it is aroused when you see your sub suffering and taking the pain for you. You look at her and you heart reaches out to her — because she is accepting the pain I inflict to serve me. She is offering this to me, not because she an inferior person but because she is strong and generous. It is absolutely vital to appreciate the gift of submission that your sub is offering you — as her vulnerability should ultimately soften your heart as she is giving you the greatest gift she has.